And by "saddle", I mean, gym.
For the first time in at least a month, I finally dragged my sorry ass over to Le Planet Fitness. (the "le" makes it fancier.) I've been the queen of excuses. Sure, i've been running, but running alone isn't going to do all of the work. You need to do some weight training to make the running go better. I know this. And yet, I still can't "find time" to get over there. It's one goddamn T stop away from Davis...it's a 10 minute walk. The walk from the gym to home is no longer than the walk from Davis to home. What is the problem then, you ask?! I have no idea. I usually spend about an hour there, and with travel to and fro, that makes it about a 2 hour time block. If I have nighttime activities, then it certainly eats into my precious naptime. And sometimes, the nap wins. It's no fun to be tired all of the time because you're depriving yourself of sleep. Sure, I could start going to bed at 7pm and then be fully rested. But let's be honest here...that'll never happen.
I didn't have Scrooge rehearsal tonight, so when I found that out, I made the plan to hit the gym. I packed my little bag. And I thought about what I would do while I was there. Since running outside, I really have a hard time getting on a treadmill. Buuuuut, I did a pretty good run yesterday and wasn't planning on running anyway. I did a 30 min interval thing, switching between the bike and the elliptical, at a rate of 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 minutes. EOB put it best when she explained it to me..."Once you've done the first 5 minutes, that's the longest you'll be on that machine." Awesome. I could definitely tell that my endurance has gotten better. My legs certainly weren't like jelly when I was done and I wasn't wheezing or anything. Now, after that, I went over to the mat and started doing some crunches and stuff like that. Yeeeeah. I only did 50 crunches today. I used to be able to do 100, no problem. Something to work on, check. Did some weights, blahblah. But I was there for a little over an hour. I felt good. I felt accomplished.
I like to make excuses, as we all do. I like to pretend like I'm doing the best I can, when in fact, I could probably step it up. No, I CAN DEFINITELY step it up. My body has gotten used to it's size, it's activity level and to get things moving again, I need to shock it into cooperating. (And I type this as I'm drinking a Nesquik chocolate milk. Alright, Sue me. I love it. I don't have it a lot, and I actually saved this bottle for at least a day. That should get me some bonus points.) I was talking to a coworker today about this being the first time I'm going to the gym in over a month and he laughed and was like "put THAT in your blog".
Okay, Tino Mosserino, here it is.
I'M A SLACKER.
I never intended that this blog would sound like I'm holier than thou and do all of these wonderful things. I struggle. A lot. Old habits die hard, friends. There are definitely times when I just want to stuff my face and say "forget it all". But then I do realize that as soon as I do that, I'm going to feel terribly sick...besides extremely guilty. I indulge when it's worth it. I make concessions when I need to. I definitely make better choices than I used to. But, in all of that, the quiet habits of my past creep up once in awhile. The urge to buy a gallon of chocolate milk and drink it all in a day. The urge to wander down to Lyndell's bakery, spend some moolah and come back with a box of sugary treats and put myself into sugar shock from delightfully amazing pastries. The urge to eat cheeseburgers while wrapped in a snuggie. And of course, the urge to taste the syrupy sweetness of a Dr. Pepper again...
Let's be clear...these ideas roll around in my head, but they certainly don't come to fruition. No, I haven't actually done any of those things...okay, maybe eating 1 solitary cheeseburger while wearing my snuggie...but the others are merely twisted former-fat-girl fantasies. (I suppose I'm still fat...but...I'm trying to think of myself as "normal" sized, as I pretty much am.) I know I'm not the only one who may fantasize about a meal, or a certain piece of food. That's how I used to live my life. It was not healthy. Constantly thinking about food, when can you get the next fix, where can you get it. It really is like drugs. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that I was a food addict. (I only say this because my old habits were "relatively easy" to break...I didn't require professional help to change my ways.) I know a few people who I could possibly categorize as food addicts and it's a tough thing. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's hard enough to be fat, but to feel like you have absolutely no control over food. I suppose that need for control is what causes people to develop eating disorders.
Control is an interesting subject. You want things to go your way. You want to feel like you are the master of your own destiny. You don't want to feel like are subject to the whims of the universe. But, in this journey, I have control over a few things. I can control the amount of work I put in. I can make myself go to the gym, workout, run, do yoga, etc. OR I can do absolutely nothing. I can control what I put into my mouth. But I cannot control how my body physiologically reacts to the work I am doing. I can't make the pounds fall off. I can try to change my brain, but I can't completely ensure that some old thoughts/habits won't come crawling back. I can only try to fight it. I can lace up my shoes. I can put on my pink workout clothes. I can sweat. I can drink more water. It won't be easy. It won't be impossible. It'll have it's ups and down. But in the end, I can only hope that it'll all be worth it...
*BING* This is your captain speaking...please fasten your seatbelts, it may be a bumpy ride.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Junk in, Junk Out.
Food is interesting. I mean, a lot of stuff that we consider "food" isn't really something you should put in your mouth. Americans have a bit of a "weight problem", and I saw one of the reasons why last night...
GI Jane and I were in search of our favorite gigantic Chinese Mecca on Route 1 in Saugus, but took a roundabout way to drive all over goddamn Massachusetts and ended up right in our own backyard over at the "nice" Target shopping center at Wellington Circle. GI Jane really wanted a steak. We went to Outback. Outback apparently closed up and moved out of town and neglected to leave a forwarding address. So then I realized that there was "some sort of steakhouse" up in the Target lot. Longhorn? Meaty McHeartAttacks? Ahhh no. Texas Roadhouse, my friends. The monstrosity of neon Texas's dancing on the facade of the building, luring us into it's peanut shell-covered, meat market. We walked in, put in our name, and at 930 on a Friday night were told "It'll be about 20 minutes". We said okay. We sat on the bench. We looked at each other and said "Hmm, we could be at Kowloon in 20 minutes." And then proceeded to make the decision to stay. Big mistake. BIG. HUGE. I'm going shopping now...(Oh. Oops. Sorry, Pretty Woman moment there.)
Anyway, so we are finally called and we're walked to our table. We are momentarily delayed as there is a birthday and it's very important that you are FULLY embarrassed by having to sit on a little saddle after they yell and scream at you. Awesome. Let me sit down. We crack open the menus and Wally, our cantankerous waitress, comes by, "Have you decided on any wings?". As if the menu was full of different varieties of wings and that's all we could order. Strange. No thanks, we'll have water. So then we begin to read the menu...realizing that our new lifestyles DO NOT fit into a place such as this. My eyes wandered away from the menu and began to check out the clientele and their plates, and the food wandering by in the hands of the waitstaff waiting to be delivered to the hungry masses. Wally comes back. GI Jane orders. "Do you want your potatoes loaded?"...."Ummm...what does that mean?"...."Sour cream, cheese, bacon". And at that moment, GI Jane and I begin to crack up. Needless to say, Wally was NOT amused. "Nope, not loaded." I ordered pulled pork, a plain sweet potato and green beans. Great. Awesome. Green Beans. How the hell can you ruin those?! Texas Roadhouse found a way. I was perusing the laminated cards at the table and see a picture of a bowl of green beans. With bits of bacon? Seriously?! What the hell?! Naaaah, that's not right. That won't arrive for me.
Alas. There it was. A bowl of green beans...floating in an oily liquid...with bits of bacon.
Dear America, THIS IS WHY YOU'RE FAT.
Or in the immortal words of Cash Money..."We're fat fucks."...referring to our society as a whole.
I had about 1/3 or so of the pile of meat on my plate. And immediately regretted it. I watched the people around us, delighting in their mounds of potatoes, dipping sauces, fried foods, and marveled at how I got to this point. I used to be one of those people. We would LOVE to go out, order piles of appetizers, large entrees, desserts, drinks, and just gorge ourselves to our heart's content. But now, the idea of eating 99% of the food on that menu kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I felt pretty gross after eating. I joked about wanting to make myself puke and then go for a midnight run to get rid of the shame. (I understand that bulimia is no joke, but that's not what i was referring to...I just figured ridding myself of the vile "food" would make me feel better.) I don't know why I let myself eat that stuff for so long. But I am glad that I'm on this new path...
This morning, I woke up on my own around 7am and went for a run. I felt better. We met GI Jane and Cash Money for breakfast at Ball Square Cafe, where I delighted in the fresh fruit bowls and the egg white/spinach/tomato/mozzarella/smoked salmon sandwich on dark rye. GI Jane made a great point, when you use quality ingredients, it's very hard to mess it up. I love Ball Sq Cafe for that reason. Everything is delicious. I never feel ill. I feel like I'm eating real food, and THAT is a wonderful feeling.
Later on today, after an a-MAIZE-ing day in a corn maze, we actually ended up at our favorite Chinese Mecca....Kowloon. I had no desire to have the piles of fried food, the General Gau's, anything like that. Yes, I had a few crab rangoons, but my meal was sushi. Steamed edamame, and some sushi. (Alright, alright, with tempura flakes...but still....) I'm not trying to sound all self-righteous or anything, I'm just saying, it's amazing how my tastes have changed. Kowloon has the largest menu I've ever seen, and it's full of amazingly Americanized "chinese" food. Fried everything. Covered in sauces. But I couldn't bring myself to order that. I didn't want any of it. I wanted sushi. I'm such a sucker for sushi right now though. I'd eat it everyday if I could. I ate and felt great...not gross and bloated.
We, as a society, must figure out a way to avoid the seemingly inevitable rising rates of obesity in ourselves and our children. We need to reclaim FOOD and not allow our mouths to be stuffed with "edible foodlike stuffs". Are you tired all the time? Do you have zero energy during the day? Do you find yourself running to the coffee shop or the vending machine to "get you through" the day? Put better food in and you'll get better results from your body. It took me a long time to understand it when people said things like "Food is fuel". You put junk in, you get junk out.
You only get one body...treat it well.
GI Jane and I were in search of our favorite gigantic Chinese Mecca on Route 1 in Saugus, but took a roundabout way to drive all over goddamn Massachusetts and ended up right in our own backyard over at the "nice" Target shopping center at Wellington Circle. GI Jane really wanted a steak. We went to Outback. Outback apparently closed up and moved out of town and neglected to leave a forwarding address. So then I realized that there was "some sort of steakhouse" up in the Target lot. Longhorn? Meaty McHeartAttacks? Ahhh no. Texas Roadhouse, my friends. The monstrosity of neon Texas's dancing on the facade of the building, luring us into it's peanut shell-covered, meat market. We walked in, put in our name, and at 930 on a Friday night were told "It'll be about 20 minutes". We said okay. We sat on the bench. We looked at each other and said "Hmm, we could be at Kowloon in 20 minutes." And then proceeded to make the decision to stay. Big mistake. BIG. HUGE. I'm going shopping now...(Oh. Oops. Sorry, Pretty Woman moment there.)
Anyway, so we are finally called and we're walked to our table. We are momentarily delayed as there is a birthday and it's very important that you are FULLY embarrassed by having to sit on a little saddle after they yell and scream at you. Awesome. Let me sit down. We crack open the menus and Wally, our cantankerous waitress, comes by, "Have you decided on any wings?". As if the menu was full of different varieties of wings and that's all we could order. Strange. No thanks, we'll have water. So then we begin to read the menu...realizing that our new lifestyles DO NOT fit into a place such as this. My eyes wandered away from the menu and began to check out the clientele and their plates, and the food wandering by in the hands of the waitstaff waiting to be delivered to the hungry masses. Wally comes back. GI Jane orders. "Do you want your potatoes loaded?"...."Ummm...what does that mean?"...."Sour cream, cheese, bacon". And at that moment, GI Jane and I begin to crack up. Needless to say, Wally was NOT amused. "Nope, not loaded." I ordered pulled pork, a plain sweet potato and green beans. Great. Awesome. Green Beans. How the hell can you ruin those?! Texas Roadhouse found a way. I was perusing the laminated cards at the table and see a picture of a bowl of green beans. With bits of bacon? Seriously?! What the hell?! Naaaah, that's not right. That won't arrive for me.
Alas. There it was. A bowl of green beans...floating in an oily liquid...with bits of bacon.
Dear America, THIS IS WHY YOU'RE FAT.
Or in the immortal words of Cash Money..."We're fat fucks."...referring to our society as a whole.
I had about 1/3 or so of the pile of meat on my plate. And immediately regretted it. I watched the people around us, delighting in their mounds of potatoes, dipping sauces, fried foods, and marveled at how I got to this point. I used to be one of those people. We would LOVE to go out, order piles of appetizers, large entrees, desserts, drinks, and just gorge ourselves to our heart's content. But now, the idea of eating 99% of the food on that menu kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I felt pretty gross after eating. I joked about wanting to make myself puke and then go for a midnight run to get rid of the shame. (I understand that bulimia is no joke, but that's not what i was referring to...I just figured ridding myself of the vile "food" would make me feel better.) I don't know why I let myself eat that stuff for so long. But I am glad that I'm on this new path...
This morning, I woke up on my own around 7am and went for a run. I felt better. We met GI Jane and Cash Money for breakfast at Ball Square Cafe, where I delighted in the fresh fruit bowls and the egg white/spinach/tomato/mozzarella/smoked salmon sandwich on dark rye. GI Jane made a great point, when you use quality ingredients, it's very hard to mess it up. I love Ball Sq Cafe for that reason. Everything is delicious. I never feel ill. I feel like I'm eating real food, and THAT is a wonderful feeling.
Later on today, after an a-MAIZE-ing day in a corn maze, we actually ended up at our favorite Chinese Mecca....Kowloon. I had no desire to have the piles of fried food, the General Gau's, anything like that. Yes, I had a few crab rangoons, but my meal was sushi. Steamed edamame, and some sushi. (Alright, alright, with tempura flakes...but still....) I'm not trying to sound all self-righteous or anything, I'm just saying, it's amazing how my tastes have changed. Kowloon has the largest menu I've ever seen, and it's full of amazingly Americanized "chinese" food. Fried everything. Covered in sauces. But I couldn't bring myself to order that. I didn't want any of it. I wanted sushi. I'm such a sucker for sushi right now though. I'd eat it everyday if I could. I ate and felt great...not gross and bloated.
We, as a society, must figure out a way to avoid the seemingly inevitable rising rates of obesity in ourselves and our children. We need to reclaim FOOD and not allow our mouths to be stuffed with "edible foodlike stuffs". Are you tired all the time? Do you have zero energy during the day? Do you find yourself running to the coffee shop or the vending machine to "get you through" the day? Put better food in and you'll get better results from your body. It took me a long time to understand it when people said things like "Food is fuel". You put junk in, you get junk out.
You only get one body...treat it well.
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