The last few posts that I've made have been about me losing my way. Have I found it yet? Not completely. Am I hopeful? Absolutely. I don't want my wedding to be the ONLY reason that I'm trying to get back on the healthy track again. I can't really use that as motivation because once it comes and goes, then what? Life after the wedding has to be the focus. Feeling good, being energized, eating well, and exercising were all normal parts of life for me for about a year and a half. I lost my way.
My priorities have been out of whack. Work has definitely become #1 on my list, ahead of me, Andrew, our relationship, our wedding plans, my personal health, and anything else. Should it be #1? At this point, it has to be. The magnitude of this project is still so overwhelming (in a good way). We are about to open an attraction like Boston has never seen before. We are busting our asses to get this thing up and on its feet, but that also requires working on all of that stuff AFTER work too. My schedule is still feeling "new" to me. I haven't quite figured out how to make the most of my time. I allow myself to make excuses and avoid all of my normal "life" responsibilities.
I am in the process of planning a wedding. I've taken on a lot of projects, but I am not giving them the attention that they need right now. Do I work best under pressure? Perhaps. Will it all work out? I'm sure of it. Am I beating myself up for no reason? Perhaps. :-/
I think we are all our own worst enemies. I can't manage to focus on the good things that I have or that I'm working on. I don't take compliments well and I certainly don't like to focus on my accomplishments. Is that weird? Even when I was doing really well with losing weight and was almost down 85 lbs, I still couldn't allow myself to be happy about it. I didn't want to be seen as vain or conceited. I do wonder if I had taken the time to sit down, REALLY think about what I had managed to do, and congratulated myself, would I have been able to remain on the wagon? Would I have kept that weight off and finally made it to 100 lbs lost? I will never know. Living with regret or constantly questioning everything will not allow me to move forward and get back to what is important.
I am a very lucky person. I have a wonderful new job. It is challenging, creative, fun, overwhelming, and everything I didn't know I wanted in a job. It's quite different going to work everyday, actually enjoying what you are doing, and truly feeling like you are doing something that matters. I have never had a job that I truly enjoyed or that I thought used my potential to its fullest, until now. Besides that, I have an amazing support system full of wonderful friends and family. But, most importantly, I am engaged to be married to my best friend. We've had a tough time of it lately, as our schedules have not coincided over the last few weeks for more than one or two nights a week. I've been much more social after work, and he's been picking up some extra work shifts here and there. *sigh*
My extra sociability hasn't really helped my exercise schedule, nor has it helped my waistline. The obvious solution would be to stop going out. The rational solution will be to make time for exercise in the morning before work, thus leaving after work for socializing or other stuff. Easier said than done, my friends. I've set my alarm back and just end up snoozing longer. Maybe I should turn it back MORE and hope that I get up in a reasonable amount. It'll be interesting to see how my body reacts to an early morning workout as well. I'm used to working out and then crashing, not going off to a full day's work. It'll be another adjustment.
Sometimes you just wish that everything would work out in the easiest way possible. But, I suppose if it were easy, I wouldn't appreciate any progress that was made...
Well, here's to positive thinking, well-laid plans, and dragging one's ass out of bed in the wee hours of the morning to remember how to treat yourself...
