I walked into my voice lesson in 2 years as a mezzo-soprano.
Within 5 minutes of singing, I was no longer considered one.
This is terrifying. And exciting. And mind-blowing.
As a singer, you are your fach. Your fach defines you. (Fach is your vocal designation, mezzo-soprano, lyric coloratura soprano, etc.)You have to find a place to "fit" into the operatic world. Many times your fach and your body may not match, so people tell you to change your body, or you'll be lucky and they'll "adapt" to you because you're the right voice. For a long time, I had no idea what I should be singing. We tried everything. Handel to Mozart to Rossini to Verdi, and nothing really worked. I had a lot of technical issues that needed to be fixed, and after they were, we settled in on "dramatic mezzo-soprano" rep.
I vaguely remember Anna saying that she didn't think I was a mezzo many years ago, but I chose to ignore her. I AM A MEZZO!!!! Maybe she's a psychic. Or she obviously heard something that I could not, or would not.
In the last year or so, I have noticed some changes in my voice, but thought that maybe I was doing something wrong. Maybe I was making the placement wrong, which is why it feels that way in my middle voice, or whatever. I wasn't listening to my body. But, I was noticing that my upper register was very full and very easy. Weird, especially for a gal who had a hard time singing above an A for most of her life.
I am having an interesting time processing this information. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? probably. Is this going to be good for me? Yes. I expected that I would be hoarse after a full hour's worth of operatic singing, which I haven't done in a long time. I felt good at the end of the lesson, and probably could've sang longer. And the scariest part about it was that the soprano rep that I was singing felt easy and felt good.
I'm supposed to buy the Adler Soprano volume. *sigh*
(But, I'm a mezzo...I have the mezzo volume...and all of those other mezzo books...and I know those songs...waaaahhhhhh...)
This is so weird. I'm a soprano? A DRAMATIC SOPRANO?!
Should I try to ignore this "designation" and just sing? Just sing my heart out, find what feels right and stay the course? Yes.
So, until then....I guess all I can say is...
Fach this.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Reminders
It's funny how the things you love find a way to creep back into your life when you've forsaken them.
Every year when I go to PA to teach at Tim's camp, I am reminded of all of the great times in my life that were spent in a band room. I loved to play the clarinet in an ensemble setting. I never really had the drive to be a solo clarinetist. It's been a long time since I played...probably at least 6 years...until today. While in PA, I made some copies of the Mozart Clarinet Concerto and the Weber Concertino. I wasn't sure if I'd actually use them, but I knew that if I wanted to, they would be there for me. I pulled the clarinet out of the closet and amazed myself by how quickly my fingers moved through the music, as if my brain wasn't even really "reading" it, that it was just THERE. The mind is an interesting thing.
I had also been doing some thinking about my singing lately. I haven't taken a formal voice lesson in over 2 years. I let the politics of community theater get into my head and make me question my abilities. I was not happy when I was singing. I wasn't loving the process anymore. I was finding it tedious, due to many outside factors. But, deep down, I love to perform. I know that. I want to sing, even if it's just in my apartment, or at Anna's house. I want to find myself again.
I went to see the Boston Lyric Opera perform with the Boston Landmarks Orchestra at the Hatch Shell the other night. I saw a dear friend of mine, performing with them, having worked so hard over the last 6 years to get to this point. It was a bittersweet moment for me. I know that I was far behind her in ability while at Longy, so I know that I wouldn't be at the same place that she is. BUT, it got me thinking, and made me realize that I truly miss singing. I also happened to run into our former voice teacher afterwards. It was almost like serendipity. I did some thinking on the way home and later that night, I emailed her and asked if she would take me back. I explained how I had lost my way and I just wanted to find it again. She helped me once, she built me up after I had been beaten down so badly. I'm hoping that she'll be able to guide me again.
I am lucky to have a job that is creative and theatrical, but I am not used to a theatrical production that doesn't involve music. And due to the last few months of work stuff, and my upcoming wedding, I am pretty much "out of commission" until the winter at the earliest. I am hoping that I'll find something to put my creative energy into come spring, but you never can tell what the groups around will be doing. A lot of groups are doing very contemporary works and that is not my voice. I may also throw my hat into the local opera ring if there is anything right for me.
*sigh*
As I'm going through Bob Harper's "Are You Ready!" book, I came upon the "Me Time" section. This talks about making room for things to keep us grounded and better in touch with who we are and how we feel. I know that it is no coincidence that I have come to this "musical awakening" of sorts.
This week has been different for me. I have worked out 4 days already. I have been making time to do things that I love, I have been setting myself up to continue these things. I've made plans to take the ballet class and the kickboxing class that I took last fall. I am making my health a priority again and it feels good.
It feels really good.
Every year when I go to PA to teach at Tim's camp, I am reminded of all of the great times in my life that were spent in a band room. I loved to play the clarinet in an ensemble setting. I never really had the drive to be a solo clarinetist. It's been a long time since I played...probably at least 6 years...until today. While in PA, I made some copies of the Mozart Clarinet Concerto and the Weber Concertino. I wasn't sure if I'd actually use them, but I knew that if I wanted to, they would be there for me. I pulled the clarinet out of the closet and amazed myself by how quickly my fingers moved through the music, as if my brain wasn't even really "reading" it, that it was just THERE. The mind is an interesting thing.
I had also been doing some thinking about my singing lately. I haven't taken a formal voice lesson in over 2 years. I let the politics of community theater get into my head and make me question my abilities. I was not happy when I was singing. I wasn't loving the process anymore. I was finding it tedious, due to many outside factors. But, deep down, I love to perform. I know that. I want to sing, even if it's just in my apartment, or at Anna's house. I want to find myself again.
I went to see the Boston Lyric Opera perform with the Boston Landmarks Orchestra at the Hatch Shell the other night. I saw a dear friend of mine, performing with them, having worked so hard over the last 6 years to get to this point. It was a bittersweet moment for me. I know that I was far behind her in ability while at Longy, so I know that I wouldn't be at the same place that she is. BUT, it got me thinking, and made me realize that I truly miss singing. I also happened to run into our former voice teacher afterwards. It was almost like serendipity. I did some thinking on the way home and later that night, I emailed her and asked if she would take me back. I explained how I had lost my way and I just wanted to find it again. She helped me once, she built me up after I had been beaten down so badly. I'm hoping that she'll be able to guide me again.
I am lucky to have a job that is creative and theatrical, but I am not used to a theatrical production that doesn't involve music. And due to the last few months of work stuff, and my upcoming wedding, I am pretty much "out of commission" until the winter at the earliest. I am hoping that I'll find something to put my creative energy into come spring, but you never can tell what the groups around will be doing. A lot of groups are doing very contemporary works and that is not my voice. I may also throw my hat into the local opera ring if there is anything right for me.
*sigh*
As I'm going through Bob Harper's "Are You Ready!" book, I came upon the "Me Time" section. This talks about making room for things to keep us grounded and better in touch with who we are and how we feel. I know that it is no coincidence that I have come to this "musical awakening" of sorts.
This week has been different for me. I have worked out 4 days already. I have been making time to do things that I love, I have been setting myself up to continue these things. I've made plans to take the ballet class and the kickboxing class that I took last fall. I am making my health a priority again and it feels good.
It feels really good.
Monday, August 6, 2012
"Are You Ready!" by Bob Harper
I've been having a lot of internal struggles in the last few weeks. Seeking motivation, fighting myself, putting up barriers, making excuses, causing myself to fail time and time again. At one time, I was my biggest cheerleader. I realized that these changes could only happen if I was 100% behind myself and if I truly believed in myself. Somewhere along the way, I lost that focus. I allowed life to get in the way. I allowed the excuses to pile up, and the pounds to creep back on. No one forced me to eat. No one forced me to lay on the couch. I made these choices. No one else.
I started reading "Are You Ready!" by Bob Harper, the not-as-angry trainer from The Biggest Loser. I ordered his "Skinny Rules" as well, and as good as that is, "Are You Ready!" deals a lot with mental baggage and how to let go and trust the process and to trust yourself. His book deals with what he calls the "Inner Compass", learning how to deal with emotions and how to allow yourself to feel. Many of us push our feelings away, squash them down, and then eat to feel better. I have been working on being more honest with people and not avoiding my feelings, but I also struggle with the whole "what if they think I'm a jerk?" thing. I used to use running as a stress reliever. I have a feeling that if I got myself back on track physically, my mental stuff would clear itself up. (or at least be better...) I feel like I have a short fuse lately as well. I'm impatient and demanding. I want things to happen a certain way, and if they don't, I get snippy. This is not a good way to live.
The introspective work in this book is going to be hard. I've managed to be rather transparent while writing this blog, attempting to forget that people are actually reading it. But, am I ever 100% honest? Of course not. None of us are. For whatever reason, we don't trust who we are, we don't trust our opinions or feelings enough to let them be heard. We don't want to hurt anyone else, nor do we want to be judged for our choices. I suppose that the only time we may be 100% honest is in the comfort of a therapist's office, maybe. I have never been to therapy, so I'm not sure about that, but do you let go, finally? Sometimes I feel like I'd certainly benefit from going. But, until that day, I'll attempt to be my own therapist.
This book asks me to look deep within and be honest.
Am I Ready?
Chapter 1 tells me to follow the Three R's...Relax, Respect and Reinforce.
If I can relax and trust the process, allow myself to feel a certain level of peace, it'll happen.
If I can accept my body as it is now and respect it as the vessel it is and will be, it'll happen.
If I can reinforce the good choices, my commitment to a healthier life, it'll happen.
Bob, you ask me if I'm ready. I certainly hope so. I need to be ready. I keep letting life slip away. I had this immense focus for almost a year and a half. In that time, I lost 85 lbs. Since Jan '11, I've gained back 35 of those lbs. I want to get to my original goal of 100 lbs lost...that means 55 lbs from here.
I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to live.
Am I ready?
Yes. Yes, I am.
I started reading "Are You Ready!" by Bob Harper, the not-as-angry trainer from The Biggest Loser. I ordered his "Skinny Rules" as well, and as good as that is, "Are You Ready!" deals a lot with mental baggage and how to let go and trust the process and to trust yourself. His book deals with what he calls the "Inner Compass", learning how to deal with emotions and how to allow yourself to feel. Many of us push our feelings away, squash them down, and then eat to feel better. I have been working on being more honest with people and not avoiding my feelings, but I also struggle with the whole "what if they think I'm a jerk?" thing. I used to use running as a stress reliever. I have a feeling that if I got myself back on track physically, my mental stuff would clear itself up. (or at least be better...) I feel like I have a short fuse lately as well. I'm impatient and demanding. I want things to happen a certain way, and if they don't, I get snippy. This is not a good way to live.
The introspective work in this book is going to be hard. I've managed to be rather transparent while writing this blog, attempting to forget that people are actually reading it. But, am I ever 100% honest? Of course not. None of us are. For whatever reason, we don't trust who we are, we don't trust our opinions or feelings enough to let them be heard. We don't want to hurt anyone else, nor do we want to be judged for our choices. I suppose that the only time we may be 100% honest is in the comfort of a therapist's office, maybe. I have never been to therapy, so I'm not sure about that, but do you let go, finally? Sometimes I feel like I'd certainly benefit from going. But, until that day, I'll attempt to be my own therapist.
This book asks me to look deep within and be honest.
Am I Ready?
Chapter 1 tells me to follow the Three R's...Relax, Respect and Reinforce.
If I can relax and trust the process, allow myself to feel a certain level of peace, it'll happen.
If I can accept my body as it is now and respect it as the vessel it is and will be, it'll happen.
If I can reinforce the good choices, my commitment to a healthier life, it'll happen.
Bob, you ask me if I'm ready. I certainly hope so. I need to be ready. I keep letting life slip away. I had this immense focus for almost a year and a half. In that time, I lost 85 lbs. Since Jan '11, I've gained back 35 of those lbs. I want to get to my original goal of 100 lbs lost...that means 55 lbs from here.
I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to live.
Am I ready?
Yes. Yes, I am.
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