Reminders

It's funny how the things you love find a way to creep back into your life when you've forsaken them.

Every year when I go to PA to teach at Tim's camp, I am reminded of all of the great times in my life that were spent in a band room. I loved to play the clarinet in an ensemble setting. I never really had the drive to be a solo clarinetist. It's been a long time since I played...probably at least 6 years...until today. While in PA, I made some copies of the Mozart Clarinet Concerto and the Weber Concertino. I wasn't sure if I'd actually use them, but I knew that if I wanted to, they would be there for me. I pulled the clarinet out of the closet and amazed myself by how quickly my fingers moved through the music, as if my brain wasn't even really "reading" it, that it was just THERE. The mind is an interesting thing.

I had also been doing some thinking about my singing lately. I haven't taken a formal voice lesson in over 2 years. I let the politics of community theater get into my head and make me question my abilities. I was not happy when I was singing. I wasn't loving the process anymore. I was finding it tedious, due to many outside factors. But, deep down, I love to perform. I know that. I want to sing, even if it's just in my apartment, or at Anna's house. I want to find myself again.

I went to see the Boston Lyric Opera perform with the Boston Landmarks Orchestra at the Hatch Shell the other night. I saw a dear friend of mine, performing with them, having worked so hard over the last 6 years to get to this point. It was a bittersweet moment for me. I know that I was far behind her in ability while at Longy, so I know that I wouldn't be at the same place that she is. BUT, it got me thinking, and made me realize that I truly miss singing. I also happened to run into our former voice teacher afterwards. It was almost like serendipity. I did some thinking on the way home and later that night, I emailed her and asked if she would take me back. I explained how I had lost my way and I just wanted to find it again. She helped me once, she built me up after I had been beaten down so badly. I'm hoping that she'll be able to guide me again.

I am lucky to have a job that is creative and theatrical, but I am not used to a theatrical production that doesn't involve music. And due to the last few months of work stuff, and my upcoming wedding, I am pretty much "out of commission" until the winter at the earliest. I am hoping that I'll find something to put my creative energy into come spring, but you never can tell what the groups around will be doing. A lot of groups are doing very contemporary works and that is not my voice. I may also throw my hat into the local opera ring if there is anything right for me.

*sigh*

As I'm going through Bob Harper's "Are You Ready!" book, I came upon the "Me Time" section. This talks about making room for things to keep us grounded and better in touch with who we are and how we feel. I know that it is no coincidence that I have come to this "musical awakening" of sorts.

This week has been different for me. I have worked out 4 days already. I have been making time to do things that I love, I have been setting myself up to continue these things. I've made plans to take the ballet class and the kickboxing class that I took last fall. I am making my health a priority again and it feels good.

It feels really good.