The Pursuit of Happiness

"Why do we do these things to ourselves?"

That question was posed to be by a very wise, delightful woman. And I can't help but bounce it around in my head. Is it human nature to want to suffer? Do we want to be the martyr in every situation to attempt to gain sympathy? We put ourselves into situations that won't necessarily make our lives happier, healthier or better in any way. We stay in jobs that make us unhappy for far too long. We surround ourselves with people who drag us down because it's easier than cutting them out of our lives. We try to comfort ourselves with unhealthy food to feel better in the moment, but in the end, we gain weight and feel worse about ourselves. We stay in unhappy relationships out of convenience. Or worse yet, we distance ourselves from potential relationships so that we don't have to open our hearts and the risk of being hurt. Again.

Most of us would never treat anyone else the way that we treat ourselves.

This same lady said that we should focus on ways to increase the joy in our lives. True. We should definitely do more things for ourselves, putting ourselves first. I feel like I've been getting better at this. I've been going swimming, taking tap class. And while I've been away, I've been singing more, and did some exercising, all while trying to make good choices as far as food goes. For me, I know that my main focus needs to be finding a new job. My problems certainly will not be solved completely by getting a new job, but I could use a change, a challenge. I can only control my own actions, so trying to change other people certainly won't make things better. Andrew has been unemployed now for almost 6 months. It's been hard as he's picked up some freelance work and has gotten himself into this weird night owl schedule. We never seem to see each other or spend time together because he's sleeping when I'm not at home and I'm sleeping when he's awake. I'm really hoping that he'll be able to break out of this cycle. I know he's trying and I know it's hard, but it's kind of taxing on our relationship. I don't want the idea of waking up to be a hard thing for him if/when he gets a new job. He has a hard enough time waking up. So while I'm trying to find a job of my own, I'm also worried about him. I want good things for him, obviously. I guess what I'm saying is that in a situation such as this, it's very hard to be completely happy and create joy in your life when things are out of your control. We can't MAKE someone hire him. We can't MAKE someone hire me.

Think about the things that make you happy. How can you incorporate more of that into your life?

For me...things that make me happy, in no particular order...

-singing/acting
-dancing
-running/swimming
-spending time with Andrew/friends
-learning/reading
-travel
-cooking

Looking at this list, I see things that I've already managed to incorporate into my weekly, if not almost daily, life. It'll be a little more difficult to get to go swimming once the summer hours are over. (Honestly, I'm a little nervous about the idea of swimming laps in a crowded lap pool.) These 2 weeks away from my normal schedule are always good for me, a chance to get out of that rut I've been in. I always manage to watch less TV while I'm away, which is ALWAYS good. I really need to stop just putting it on for background noise. Finding ways to use my time better is a great idea. I'm really hoping to get a role in Sweeney Todd this fall, it'll give me a lot of music/lines to learn, I'll have rehearsals to go to, and it'll keep me very busy. And sure, I'll be busy...but i'll be doing stuff I enjoy doing...not just wasting my time away watching shitty TV and whining about my crappy job. Once it gets cooler, I"ll be cooking more. Our oven pumps out so much heat that it's really tough to try and use it in the summertime. The only thing on this list that'll be hard to come by is "travel". Unfortunately, you need money to travel. But I suppose I could try to explore Boston and the surrounding areas a bit more.

How will you make your life better? We're all in this together. Let's commit to living life instead of just going through the motions.