My Cup Runneth Over

With Thanksgiving having come and gone, and Christmas coming up rather quickly, I spent a lot of time in the last few weeks really thinking about what the holidays mean to me. I've had a hard time with them in the last few years, not really feeling "in the spirit" and trying to figure out why. Any holiday seems to be fraught with stress and the overextension of self and budget. Being in a dysfunctional family creates extra stress at the holidays, causing you to split time between people, never actually being able to relax and enjoy each other's company. I've been trying to figure out what I want out of the holiday season. And I guess all I really want is to spend time with those people that I really love. I want to have fun, laugh, joke, smile, and just be grateful for what I have.

I'm lucky where I don't really want for much, except financial freedom. I have wonderful friends and family that love and care about me. I am on the path to a healthy lifestyle. I am happy with the person I am becoming. I am finding my true self underneath my fat suit. I am realizing that my size really did hinder my life in more ways that I had ever noticed. But, the one thing I did find, the one thing that has never wavered this whole time, was Andrew.

When we met, I was about 30 lbs heavier than I am right now, and about 50 lbs lighter than my heaviest weight, where I started this journey. Throughout our life together, he has never once belittled me for my weight. He never told me I looked fat. He never once made me feel anything but beautiful, even when I wake up in the morning looking something like a ginger lion. He just pats me on the head and says "You look cute". He's such a loyal, loving person, sometimes I don't feel like I deserve him. We've been together for over 5 years and will now, officially, be spending the rest of our lives together.

In the greatest surprise of the century, Andrew pulled off a creative and romantic proposal. The night before Thanksgiving, I was out with GI Jane, getting accoutrement for our big Gobble x3 race the following morning...but later did I find out that it was her job to keep me out of the apartment while Mr. Andrew did some pre-proposal setting up. I came home to find candles around the living room, our coffee table set with a tablecloth and sushi plates, and his laptop was sitting on the table. He made me a slideshow on his computer, including an acoustic version of Weezer's "My Best Friend" that he recorded with his friend Drew. The slideshow had lots of cute pics of us and other cute coupley pics and at the end, it scrolled up on the screen "Kelly, Will you Marry me?" and he got down on his knee and gave me a beautiful ring. :-) I couldn't have been more surprised or more happy at that moment. I saw my future flash before my eyes and in that split second, I chose my future. We have our ups and downs, just like any couple, but I do truly feel that Andrew does want the best for me, and for him, and that we make a great team and will hopefully continue to compliment each other over the years.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I am happy. I am healthy. I have friends and family that love and care about me. I feel like my new found confidence will help me to change my job situation and to let me audition for things knowing that I won't be turned away because of my size. I know that the next two years are going to fly by and we are going to learn a lot about ourselves as we plan this wedding, hoping that we'll be able to have the special day we've always wanted. We both agree that the one thing we really want is to be surrounded by the people we love. We are lucky because we have that everyday, sometimes we all just fail to see it. And fail to appreciate it.

I am thankful for you. I am thankful for the role that you play in my life, be it close friend, far away friend, old friend, acquaintance, family member, whatever. My cup definitely runneth over...