Rekindle

A very wise lady, on a journey of her own (making it to 75 lbs lost this week!!!), gave me some very sound advice. She said that this choice of healthy living is much like being in a relationship. At the beginning, you are very excited and you think about it all the time, you wonder how to make it better. But after awhile, you're out of that honeymoon phase, and it gets harder. You think about the way things used to be, you miss your freedom, you just want to do whatever you want. And that's when you decide if you're in it for the long haul, or if it's time to end it. If not, then you must find a way to rekindle the excitement you once felt.

This is a relationship that I don't want to end. I don't want to break up with myself. I don't want all of my hard work and energy to be in vain. I've been a good girl, but I've cheated. In this case, cheating isn't an automatic end to things, thank goodness. At the point I am at, I don't really use the terms, "I've been bad" when I eat something that isn't exactly healthy. I recognize that I won't eat healthy 100% of the time. If you can, congrats. I know that I won't. Although, my idea of unhealthy eating is very different than it used to be. But my tastes have changed so much that I really do crave fruit most of the time. Veggies are another story. I definitely need to find the excitement I once had for veggies. I really had a wonderful relationship with them for awhile. I dreamed of ways to cook them, how to try it next. And then I just abandoned them, not completely, but enough that I bet they noticed. I got bored with them. I didn't even seek counseling with them!

Rekindling my love for exercise is another story. I read magazines and websites galore about exercise, how to do it better, faster, longer, stronger. I talk about running. I think about running. I see my shoes sitting there. I think about it all morning while I'm at work, and then when I'm finally free, I come home...I see my shoes...I walk past them and I sit down on the couch. And the next thing I know, I've fallen asleep and it's dark outside. Running in the dark is not the problem, I don't mind that, it's that it's difficult when it's snowy and icy. At least during the day, I can SEE the icy death that is ahead of me.

I certainly don't need help making excuses for myself, I'm really good at that. I need help remembering why I am doing this.

I've seen friends have serious health scares due to their weight. I've seen my family members live their lives heavy, yet unable to do a lot of things. I've seen strangers struggling through the day, caring the burden of their weight. But most of all, I've felt the burden. I've missed out on a lot of things due to my weight. I've suffered with low self-esteem, been rejected more times that I can remember, and felt like there was nothing I could do to change things. But there IS something I can do...I can choose to eat better food. REAL food. I can get off my butt and move. I can go to the actual, physical gym and use the membership that I'm paying for. (granted it's only $10 a month, but it's still money that I'm wasting if I don't go.) I can use the tools I have at home, yoga DVD, balance ball DVD, Women's Health Toning Station. I can support my friends and reach out for their support when I need it. I can blog about my feelings and know that I'm not alone, even though I may feel like I am.

January always brings resolutions galore, and with it, new fat shows on TV. I've been a fan of The Biggest Loser for a long time, but it's getting old right now. I'm not finding the motivation in the show right now, and it's just the same. Nothing new. Booooring. I've taken to watching Heavy on A&E and I Used to Be Fat on MTV. Heavy is interesting because it focuses on 2 people during the hour, showing their 3 or 6 month journey (can't remember), spending time away from their families to start, and then returning to real life and how/if they can be successful. And I Used to Be Fat focuses on teens, usually seniors in high school, who spend almost 4 months working out, trying to lose weight before they enter college. These shows are certainly not showing what it's like in the real world, as most of these people are working out all the time, just like on Biggest Loser. But it shows a different perspective, I suppose.

I posted my own Biggest Loser moment photo on Boston.com this week. I am proud of my accomplishments, even though I know I still have a ways to go. I am proud of my friends, who are currently on their own journeys, making those changes everyday, losing weight, feeling better, and being inspirations to people in their lives. A shoutout to an old singer friend of mine who hit her Weight Watchers goal this week and officially became a Lifetime member and started her own blog. Another friend is thinking about starting her own running program. Another friend has entered a fitness competition and has transformed her entire diet and been working out like a fiend and continues to amaze with her strength! And yet another friend has been slowing building her running back up following an injury and adds a little bit of distance every week, showing that patience is key in this game.

I am very lucky to have inspiration coming at me from all over. How do I NOT rekindle my own love for myself with this kind of power surrounding me??

Get out there. Do it.

I am worth it.

And so are you.