The Big Day

385 days until THE day.

October 7, 2012 is THE day.

You do realize that this means I have a little over a year to get myself into Ultimate Sexy Bride shape. Yeah, yeah, I know, I don't want to be one of those psycho brides that is miserable for a year leading up to the day (or crash dieting for the last month because the dress doesn't fit...). And as most of you know, this is just another step in my journey.

This week, Sept 21st, marks 2 years since I started my journey to a healthier me. 2 years since I've had soda. Can you BELIEVE that?! I loved soda. I probably still do...or would...if I drank it. But I can't. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I can't allow myself to have it. It is my Achilles heel, my Kryptonite. I don't want it. I'm just saying, I can't/won't have it.

And I know that this year has been like a broken record....me stating my recommitment to healthy eating/exercising. But this is the perfect time to stop all of the shenanigans and start the hardcore work. Healthy habits take time to develop. I know that. We ALL know that. But do we have the discipline to develop them? Sure we do. I DID at one time. I don't know why my mind can't get back on the wagon. My body wants to...it's my mind that I'm having trouble with. The little food devil on my shoulder, whispering..."Ahhh, it's okay, go ahead, have that cookie. It's fine. It's JUST a cookie. It's not gonna kill ya. Besides, you worked hard for a long time. You DESERVE that cookie."

Hey. Food Devil. Shut up. YOU deserve a punch in your smug little face.

The Tufts 10K is in 22 days. I have been pretty lazy about training for this race. (This seems to be a trend with me...sign up for a big race, then NOT train, and then suffer through it, but be happy that I made it and didn't die.) I have finished 2 10Ks, so I know it's possible. And i imagine that on that day, I'll be energized by the crowd...the thousands of women running around me. It was so moving to watch GI Jane finish that race last year. I remember getting choked up as she came towards the finish line, as her boyfriend and I yelled her name and she found us in the crowd, and as she completed her longest race to date. I wanted that to be me. I need to remember those feelings and use them to help motivate me to eat better and to put the time in to making sure my body is ready for 6.1 miles.

Yes, I'm busier now...sweeney rehearsals have started, tap class is on Thurs nights. Blahblahblah. I am full of excuses. Always have been, always will be. Sure, we just booked our wedding venue, need to get on the planning wagon. Yes, still interested in finding a new job...need to actually apply to jobs if I expect to get one. Wow, they just keep piling up, don't they?

Okay. GI Jane suggested that I use Sept 21st as my "recommitment" day. It's an anniversary, use it to start up again. That's 3 days from now. I should probably use Monday and Tuesday as days to ease myself into it...start by ditching the crap at work. Reminding myself that besides the inevitable wedding at the end of the road, there is a lifetime of health and happiness that I want to have. I still want to be pushing myself athletically. I want to have toned arms...maybe even some "guns" someday. ;-) I want these things...and yet, I allow my Food Devil to keep me from achieving these goals.

Food Devil needs to die.

My (somewhat) competitive spirit needs to take over.

I'm not going down without a fight.

The numbers on the scale will move. The numbers in my clothes will move. My body will change. Again.

I WILL win.