Under pressure

What can I say? I'm a bloggin' fool this weekend....with the em-PHA-sis on "fool". So, you're welcome. (Or, I'm sorry. Hahaha.)

I woke up this morning and really wanted to go out for a run, even though it's not a run day on my 5K trainer schedule. So i said, what the hell, let's do it anyway. I decided to go as far as I wanted (not a set distance), walked when I wanted to, ran when I wanted to at whatever speed. I wasn't concerned with pace or anything. Just pumped up the tunes (a new playlist) and went for it. I took a few different turns, winding through the Tufts campus (beautiful, by the way) and ended up doing 2 miles easily. I wasn't thinking about how far I went. I wasn't compulsively checking my Nike+ to have the phantom voice tell me that I had reached my distance goal. And with a new set of tunes, I didn't know how long/far I'd been running/walking. It was quite liberating, akin to the running with no muzak from last week. I felt freer. And I was wondering how it came to this. Why was I placing these limitations on myself? Why was I putting added pressure on something that was supposed to be fun?! I do feel that this 5K trainer has been helping. It gave me a guide, aid to a rutterless ship, if you will. But when it's over, I think I'll just do what I want, when I want. I don't want this to become something I do because I "have to". I want it to be enjoyable, not a chore. My life seems to be about doing things that I have to do, and I'm sure ALL of our lives are like that. When was the last time you did something JUST for you?! (Hopefully it wasn't too long ago...) We get caught up in the obligations of day to day life. Society has trained us to just go, go, go all the time, not stopping for pleasure or relaxation. You must go to work. You must make money. You must mow the lawn. You must do countless things a day that you don't want to do. And if that's all you do, life begins to suck. Hardcore. You get burned out. Your free time becomes plopping in front of the tv, watching mindnumbing garbage like "Jersey Shore", and you wonder where your life has gone. Your energy zapped while trying to figure out how Snooki makes more money than you do, when you are clearly the superior human being. The next thing you know, you've done nothing enjoyable and can't even remember how you spent the last few hours. We've got to learn to turn the TV off. (I'm a big TV lover, don't get me wrong. But I'm trying...) Turn off the Facebook. Do something that's actually meaningful and fun to you!

You may or may not know this about me, but I took dance for about 8 years while growing up. (Yes, I was always the fat girl in dance class. Real cute when recital time came around...ugh...) And I've always loved dancing. A couple years ago, I took an adult tap class, but tried to save money and bought crappy shoes. And my feet hurt and the class was a bit redundant. I didn't really feel like I was learning much. (ALthough, I probably could have put WAY more effort in, but it wasn't that type of class. Everyone else was just casually tappin' away, not going full out to gain a spot on stage a la A Chorus Line or anything.) I've been contemplating the idea of taking a dance class or yoga or something outside of my "norm". I bit the bullet and signed up for a Show Choir "Glee" class at this place called World Rhythms Dance Fitness nearby. The idea of this class really intrigues me, and I can only hope that it'll be as fun as I've already built it up in my mind. (I may end up being the fattest person in the room, but I'll bet that I'll have more rhythm than half of those people in the room.) I won't have any pressure to "perform", unless I put it there.

Even going to gym becomes somewhat of a pressure situation. You plan out what you're going to do before you get there. (that's how I spend my mornings at sbux...thinking of what I'm going to do afterwards...haha.) And you're doing whatever you're doing, but if you don't perform up to that level or the standard you've set for yourself, you start to think about the dreaded F word. Failure. Or say things like, "Oh, that was a waste...". (Guilty.) Isn't it a success that you actually WENT to the gym in the first place? Unless you go and lay down on the mat in the back and take a nap, I'd say you're being productive. Sure, we all have goals for ourselves (most of the time, unrealistic...) but we need to stop making everything an "all or nothing" situation. Try looking at it as an opportunity. I have the chance to go to the gym today...not I HAVE to go to the gym today. I'm trying to change my thinking, especially on days where the last thing I do is want to keep moving. Sometimes you just want to crash. Life is hectic. Allow yourself time to rest, but don't make the mistakes I've made. Don't waste your life sitting around doing nothing. Life is more fun when you're actually living it. Enjoy those moments of fun and respite from your wacky life.

As a wise man once said..."Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." ;-)