Focus

"Excellence is in the details. Give attention to the details and excellence will come." -Perry Paxson


I'm pretty sure I've been going about it all wrong. I focus on the end result, on the big picture. I don't pay attention to the little things along the way. The little steps and changes ultimately add up to create a larger, more complete victory. As they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day". But I suppose that's vastly different than the society that we live in today. We are in a fast-paced, multi-tasking place. You simply can't do one thing at a time, lest you're thought of as lazy or "slow". We've created a culture of instant gratification with no signs of slowing. Our governments have to regulate things that make complete sense...like don't text while driving. Duuuuh. I have a lot of friends that do this and to be honest, it scares me. People drive badly enough as it is, you don't need another distraction. Sure, sure, you can tell me that studies show that bans on texting don't lead to less accidents. BUt guess what? Do you want to be another statistic? No. Didn't think so.

Our lives move at such a clip nowadays that I find it hard to focus. Or maybe it's that I want to "focus" on more than one thing. I want everything to be fixed at once, but hard work takes time, and time takes patience. And those of you who know me understand that patience is not my strongest suit. Sure, I've gotten better as I get older, but man, it's hard. I've looked for the quickest solution to every problem, which sometimes leads to dealing with that problem AGAIN later on down the road since I never really fixed it in the first place. It's like when you buy something and you buy the cheaper one to "save money", but then end up replacing it in a year or two because it's broken down. You get what you pay for. And in my life, I've certainly gotten what I've "paid" for. Yeah, I got good grades in school...but did I study and really apply myself? Hell no. I could have done more with myself where that was concerned, but back in my early school days, I realized that I didn't have to work that hard to do well. I was lucky, or so I thought. I didn't have to study much like other kids. And so I didn't. I could have studied and gotten into smart kid colleges, but I just didn't apply myself. I took the easy way out. And other than this whole weight loss/healthy living journey, I've always taken the easy way out. I say I'm a singer, but I don't put the work in. I say I want a new job, but again, don't put the time in to better my situation. But this is going to stop.

Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to spend time with a very intelligent and helpful friend of mine. JK and I both have things in our lives that we'd like to change. He's on the brink of making a very big step in his life as far as finances and career are concerned. He's a very gifted writer and is trying to create a way for that to become a much bigger focus in his life. But, like all of us, you must find ways to pay the bills while you're pursuing your dreams. We talked at length about how fear keeps us from really stepping out of our comfort zones and trying to see what we can do when we really push ourselves. We both have tended to sit back and let life take us where it will instead of fighting for what we really want. But I'll tell you what, having someone throw stuff back into my face as far as "why aren't you doing this? what do you want to achieve? etc" was very eye-opening, extremely tough to hear, but absolutely needed. I think having someone else there, not allowing you to make excuses is very important. I finally, for the first time, admitted to someone that I am a huge time waster. I actually said it out loud. I admitted that I really don't do anything of consequence on most days, other than working out. THAT has become a priority in my life, but these other things have not. Yes, I work early in the morning, but my work day is done by noon or so. That leaves at least 9-10 more hours of the day to be used in a productive way. But what do I generally do? Watch TV. Or spend entirely too much time on the internet. Sure, the internet can be a wonderful place when used for job hunting, opera learning, etc. But am I doing that? Absolutely not. I am on the eternal time-suck known as Facebook...waiting with baited breath for someone to comment, for someone to say something. It's like I think I'm going to miss something. But just like the TV, it will be there later. I have to get that through my thick skull. I feared that when I bought this laptop that my internet time would increase exponentially...and I was right. It certainly has. JK and I set up this amazing spreadsheet with the days of the week on it and time goals for each day, for me, focusing on at least an hour a day of singing/learning and 30 min-1 hr of job searching/resume building/cover letter writing, etc. His focuses on the steps that he'll need to take this big leap in about a month.

I feel good about this. I feel like I can really stick to it, if I think about it in a one day at at time way. I need to remember that I've done work like this already. I didn't lose 80 lbs in one day. Each day counts towards a much more rewarding end result. I have to learn to enjoy the process, the learning, the practicing. I can't say I've ever really ENJOYED practicing, but it's time to try. I need to reignite my love for singing and performing. I see others perform and I get jealous. I want to be on the stage. I don't want to sing in my apartment for no one to hear. I want to share my gift and learn from others and collaborate. I was never interested in being a soloist...I always liked playing/singing in a group sort of setting, be it playing in an ensemble or being in a cast of an opera or a musical. The only way to get back to the place I love is to put in the work so that I deserve to be back there once and for all.

And so, here I go...