October "Wonderland"

I am NOT ready for winter. I love the fall. I relish the thoughts of beautiful crisp fall days, brightly colored leaves, apples, pumpkins, all of these wonderful things that combine to make MY "most wonderful time of the year". I realize that as the days of fall grow shorter that winter is right around the corner, and with winter, comes "The Holidays".

As I get older, I get more cynical. (Is that really possible? How could I get any more cynical, you ask?) I can't say that the holiday season brings me much joy. It seems as though it's an endless parade of obligation. You have to go here, can't hurt feelings, gotta go there, blahblahblah.

Last Thanksgiving was great for a few reasons, 1) I got engaged the night before, how could we not be in good spirits after that??, 2) GI Jane and I ran the Gobble x3 4 miler that morning and it was awesome, 3) GI Jane and Cash Money joined us for dinner at the Galante Homestead, and 4) It seemed as though we finally did some stuff that we WANTED to do, instead of just doing stuff because we had to. One of my favorite Thanksgivings of all-time was my first year here in Boston, I decided to stay up here and hosted a meal for 3 friends. We ate, watched chick flicks, and just had a nice, non-drama-filled day. I cooked a full meal for the first time in my life. (Yes, I know, to take on Thanksgiving as the first meal is quite a feat...hahaha...luckily, I had some help in the way of some amazing recipes, and a Mom on speed dial...) I've been saying it for years now, but I want to host my own dinner again. I want to enjoy myself and not feel like I'm obligated to do certain things. But I guess that's what family is all about...haha...

And Christmas is always another story. Traveling to PA for Christmas is a giant pain in the ass. Well, traveling ANYWHERE at the holidays is a pain. But it's expensive, too harried, and just plain unenjoyable. It's difficult to make everyone happy, and I think that's where my stress lies. I know that I'm "hurting feelings" by choosing to stay here, or go there, or whatever. But I am only one person, I can't clone myself and send one of me to PA and have one stay here. Then it's a whirlwind of seeing these people here, this person there, and then I probably don't get to see everyone I want to see anyway. And sometimes I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off for nothing. Maybe I should just pack my bags and go somewhere else...not here, not there...just a warm, tropical island somewhere, with no cell phone reception. :-)

*sigh* So, as the holiday season approaches, or if you work in retail, it may already be here, I'm trying to not be so disappointed in the "choices" I have to make, but to enjoy what REAL choices I do have. We'll probably have another holiday party, that is always a good time. Other than that, I'm in hyperdrive until Thanksgiving, basically. The show goes up on the 10th, 2 weekends of performances, and then it's Turkey week. We may have a houseguest that week, so that'll be fun, but also a bit stressful getting ready.

25 days until the Gobble x3. This morning was the Superhero 5K, and as the starting gun was going off, here I was, at home. I know I put too much on my plate by signing up for this race, and now, essentially eating the $25 registration fee. The snow and crap didn't help my decision either. Plus with a big rehearsal this afternoon, I kinda felt I needed to be ready for that, so instead of running in the 35 degree weather/slop, I decided to opt out. I wasn't sure if GI Jane was running, she had been sick, and I hadn't heard from her, so I went with the assumption that it wasn't happening. But alas, at 9am, got a text that we should go do it. *sigh* I have to leave early for rehearsal because Athan needs to get there to do some stuff with the pianist before we start as a group. I wouldn't make it home in time from the race to get showered and ready to go. Waaaaay too much going on. Yes, I feel like a quitter...not quite a failure, mind you, but just a quitter. But I suppose in a way, I was putting my priorities in order. (And all of the hacking that was going on backstage yesterday is making me think that I made the right decision NOT to go out and run in the cold, possibly kicking up some stuff, and/or catching a cold...) Do I feel guilty? Yes. Did I let my friend down? Possibly. Did I let myself down? Absolutely. But life is about choices, and this wasn't a particularly fun choice to make, I needed to make it. We can't always get what we want, we can't always do what we want, and sometimes our "obligations" have to come before everything else. I guess that's today's lesson...