It's funny how I've been "congratulating" myself almost everyday this week for NOT eating crap at Sbux, or working out, or whatever. Earlier in the week, I was at the mall, I bought some new workout clothes. Great! Good motivation! Then I got some new eyeshadow! Yay! I like to look pretty! I bought a book one day after going to the gym. Then I went to Buffalo Exchange and got the find of the century, a brand new pair of Dansko clogs in a beautiful cherry brown color, absolutely brand new, AND IN MY SIZE. I had to get them. How could I not? I've wanted these shoes for years. It was a sign that I deserved to be congratulated. ;-)
I guess what I'm realizing is that if I'm not self-medicating with food, I'm self-medicating with shopping? Retail therapy is a girl's best friend. I can't say I was "stress shopping" though. I had a good week. Maybe it's a good thing? I mean, sure, the spending of the money isn't a great idea...BUT it could be a sign that I'm feeling better about myself, if I want to buy clothes. i've been feeling kinda blah about my body and about what I've done/haven't done. And in the last 2 weeks, I've absolutely gotten back on the Motivation Train, lost 5+ lbs, have really been good about working out, making good choices, and maybe this is a sign that I'm starting to feel good again. I was pleasantly surprised by a photo or two that popped up on the website for my show. I look(ed) "thin" or normal, at least. ;-) I can't get over that because I still feel huge. My brain can't get over the fact that I am NOT what I used to be. I think I'll probably always feel that way, and that's tough.
I also spent more money today...but I KNOW that these are great reasons for spending money. I signed up for 3 more races. Superhero 5K on Oct 30th in Kendall Square, The Gobble 3x on Thanksgiving morning, and the Jingle Bell Run in Davis Square on Dec 18th. I am excited to do these races and will do my best to train and get ready for them. :-) Plus, more free tshirts is ALWAYS a great idea. GI Jane and I talked about how last year's Thanksgiving race was so awesome. We felt so free and easy, we ran 4 miles, got showered, dressed, and went and ate our Thanksgiving dinners with a happy conscience. (Maybe I ran easier because I had just gotten engaged the night before and I was so excited and couldn't stop talking about it? But who cares. it was fun!) I wish all races felt like that.
I need to figure out a way to just run for fun and not put pressure on myself to beat a previous time or try to attain some goal or something. I need to focus on crossing the finish line. I know that at the end, I'll probably cry. I usually do. It's a reminder of how far I've come...and also of how far I still have to go. Life is a journey. My journey will never end. I just have to focus on the good parts of that journey, choose the paths that make it an easy ride. And sure, rough patches will come, but I have the tools to get over them. And so do you.
No comments:
Post a Comment