Times, they are a'changin'...

In a few days, we'll be watching the ball drop, witnessing Dick Clark drool on himself, we'll clink our glasses, kiss our loved ones and enter into another brand new year. A year full of possibility and excitement. What will you do differently this year? Do you want to improve your life? Or did you do such a good job of it in 2011 that you can sit back and relax?

My 2011 was a pretty good one. I met some amazing people, had some great performances, won my Fantasy Football League, had more laughs than I know what to do with. But overall, am I happy with what 2011 was for me? Eh. As you all know, I've been working on my "weight loss journey" since Sept 2010. On Jan 1st, 2011, I was at my lowest weight yet. Unfortunately, I let rehearsals and laziness get in the way from Jan-Apr and ended up gaining back about 25 lbs. But, I've maintained that same weight for the rest of the year. Is that a victory? Sure. I didn't gain back any MORE weight, so that's a plus. Have I lost sight of my goals? Perhaps. I definitely lost my zest for running/exercising. I fell back into the rut of being lazy. I'm sure that my food choices definitely had something to do with that. I know that your food choices determine how much energy you have. Good food in = good energy out. Mentally, I know what to do. I have so much "knowledge" about how to improve my life, yet I choose not to do it. Why is that? I know we've had this conversation before, readers, so forgive me. But it's a constant question I have. It's hard. yes. I know that. I've done it before. It certainly wasn't easy for the first year and a half when I was very vigilant about everything I ate/did. Am I doing this for the wrong reasons? Am I looking for validation from the outside world instead of finding it within? (Of course I am...I'm a performer...that's why we do 99% of the things we do...haha...)

I do know that at this moment, I am unhappy with the way I look in my clothes. I am unhappy with the lack of motivation I'm experiencing. I want to find that love for movement again. I want to ditch the excuses and just start working hard again. I am NOT making a New Year's Resolution. I am making a "get your butt in gear" type of resolution. I think this would be happening regardless of what day it reads on the calendar...

283 days until my wedding. 9 months, 8 days. THAT right there should be enough to scare me into the gym. And of course, i know that no matter what I look like on that day, I'll be so excited and feeling radiant and all that crap. BUT I truly want to be at my best that day. I want that to really signify us entering in our newly married life together. (I just need to get Andrew on this train as well...) Plus, having a day to show it off would CERTAINLY be worth it. Hehehe.

2012 is going to be a HUGE year for me. Besides my wedding, my life is going to completely change as I know it come March. (No, I'm not pregnant and/or popping out a quickly gestated baby in 2 months...) The announcement will be made shortly, but it's something that has been a LONG time coming. As they say, good things come to those who wait. But I will need to readjust everything I know about my daily existence...which means a definite reason to get myself back on track before March so that I can make this transition as easily as possible.

Life has a way of taking over. We allow it to get in the way of our goals. I always use the old "Oh, I'll go to the gym tomorrow"...and then I end up with a pile of yesterdays and a few more pounds around the middle. Tap class starts up again soon, need to see if that's in the financial cards right now. I like the class, but "fast tapper" drives me nuts. I wish I could afford private lessons. :-) And I wish I could practice in my apartment without thinking I'll annoy the crap out of my downstairs neighbors. I miss the swimming pool too. I haven't tried to go at night yet, I'm a little scared to swim with other people in the lanes. I don't want them to run me over or to get pissed if I'm not doing it right. I loved swimming there in the summer, during the day when it was empty. If I had a car, and an endless supply of money, I'd join the BSC at Wellington that has the pool. Oooo fancy! But alas, that will never be my life. :-) I have to be happy with my Planet Fitness membership and the occasional luxury tap class and/or $4 swim session at the Kennedy pool. I need to change things up. As my life changes, my exercise should change too. I need to find that fire I once had. I need to ditch the excuses and find the ardent passion I once had. It won't be easy...

I am worth the time. I am worth the effort. I am worth the sweat. I am worth the aches. I am worth the longer life. I am worth it.