Negative Nancy

I found out that an acquaintance had asked a close friend of mine why I was such a "Negative Nancy". At first I was quite upset, wondering HOW in the world she could've ever thought that about me. But then the more this notion tossed around in my brain, I think I became MORE upset because IT'S TRUE. I've hidden behind this facade of sarcasm, cynicism and bravado for years. Why? Not quite sure. So, I did what any normal person would do...

I googled "How to stop being too negative". I came across a website called Succeed Socially.com. Yup. Now, at this point, as I begin reading the article, I'm still in denial, reading along, going "Nah, that's not...me....uh...no....huh...maybe....damn it!". I definitely have a HUGE problem with this. I think I'm more of the "subtle" type of pessimist, that I don't realize I'm doing it. I'm reading some more and come upon the "Signs You May Be Too Negative" section and see myself staring back from these seemingly innocent statements. The list included 10 bullet points...these 4 sum me up to a tee.

-You're always complaining about things, even it's in a rational, logical, "This is an interesting tidbit to mull over" kind of way.
-If someone suggests something you're really quick to point out why it won't work or why it's a bad idea.
-Sometimes you get this glee when you're being negative with someone else and tearing something down.
-If something is going well, you've got a dozen reasons why it actually sucks and won't work out.

So, after that difficult self-realization, I keep reading (i'm a glutton for punishment, apparently...is that negative? or just true? both?) and come upon the "Reasons people can be too negative" section.

-Life isn't that great for them at the moment.
-Someone hasn't had the greatest past, and it hasn't given them a reason to think the world is anything else than a disappointing, negative place.
-Some may use negative observations as a way to prop up their shaky self-esteem. They criticize things to feel better about themselves, whether to knock everything down to their level and/or to boost their ego by feeling smart and capable for noticing the flaws in things.
-Negativity can be used as a perverse coping mechanism. If you lower your expectations then nothing disappoints you. Or you may be mentally invested in the idea that nothing will work out, and your negativity unconsciously acts to keep things that way.

THEN it goes on to say that some people may view their negativity as a good thing...
-Some people simply fall into the habit of complaining too much.
-People can also rely on negativity as a crutch in conversations. They wouldn't know what to say if they weren't complaining about or critiquing something.
-Some of us picked up a negative style from people we knew growing up.
-Negative people can think they're being intellectual. They see noticing the flaws in things as a sign of perceptiveness, analytical ability, and honed critical thinking skills.
-Some people can be a little too rational and not in touch with their emotions. Negative information doesn't seem like a big deal to them because they're not tuned into its unpleasant emotional weight. It's just as valid a thing to bring up as anything else.
-It may be part of someone's humor. They may think they're being a clever, observational comedian or commentator by pointing out the flaws in things.
-People can associate being cynical and overly skeptical towards certain things with being 'in the know' and aware of how the world really works.


The more I read, the more upset I got because it was like I needed a goddamn checklist. Yes, uh huh, yup, bingo. Okay, so this isn't the first time I've heard this...it's just the first time I've HEARD this. I don't WANT to hear it. I don't WANT people to think of me this way. I guess I truly realize that I am becoming my mother. I think for me, it's a combo of a learned behavior from her and poor self-esteem. I haven't ever really been truly happy with myself and never had a true cheerleader in my life. You expect that to come from your parents when you are a kid, but all I heard was negative things, not necessarily about ME, but in general. My parents separated when I was 13, from then on, everything and everyone was out to get her. I suppose when you hear that all of the time, it's hard not to believe it or assume that's the way the world works. I spent most of my life being down on myself, not feeling good enough, and not ever really been able to accept my successes as real and true.

Wow. I've got some issues.

But even with all of this...I somehow managed to find Andrew. He's such a kind, loving, supportive man and I couldn't have ever asked for someone so right for me. He makes me see the joy in the world. I am truly lucky to have him. I have plenty of wonderful friends in my life as well and I feel like I have burdened them with this. So, if any of you are reading...I'm sorry. I guess I just haven't realized what I've been doing. I don't really have any idea of what to do or how to change this...but I'll try. The website suggests that I "bite my tongue". Will that change my actual thinking? Probably not. THAT is what truly needs to change.

This won't be easy. Not quite sure what to do or say...*sigh*.